The first of allegedly three debates between President Trump and former Vice President Joe Biden went down last night with all the class, grace and decorum of an all-clown orgy in a Walmart. I figured I’d share my thoughts on it because there are no thoughts more valuable in politics than those of a random blogger on the internet.
THOUGHT NUMBER ONE
My first thought of the evening was definitely “oh boy!” because I expected this debate to be an absolute hoot. Between Trump’s smug and unwarranted sense of self importance and Biden’s supposed cognitive decline to be in full display for over an hour and a half, I thought for sure the only thing that could possibly go wrong was absolutely everything. I couldn’t wait for the ride!
THOUGHT NUMBER TWO
Wait a minute. Where is this cognitive decline of Biden’s I’ve been hearing so much about? He seems to be rather coherent. A little slower paced than Trump, sure, but he hardly seems like a feeble minded dimwit. And why does he keep looking right at me?!
THOUGHT NUMBER THREE
My 11-year-old son summed this thought up for me pretty well when he said, “They’re just acting like kids.” Really, though, I’m not sure where he got this idea. For the most part the debate was only 93% shouting, snipes, school yard insults, and dismissive hand waving. At least a solid 7% of it was extremely professional thanks to Chris Wallace.
THOUGHT NUMBER FOUR
Stand down and STAND BY?! Did Trump just tell white supremacists to stand down and STAND BY?!
After my thorough analysis of the debate my final thought is that we’re all screwed. If Trump wins Democrat voters will destroy the Earth. If Biden wins Republican voters will destroy the Earth. My recommended course of action is to hitch a ride on Elon Musk’s rocket to Mars. But if you can’t do that VOTE…I guess.